BASEBALL !!!

I am going to my FIRST baseball game of the season today !!  Me and My WONDERFUL husband will be relaxing watching the Louisville Bats ( Minor League team) !!  It will be an AMAZING Saturday with the sun shining and some Nachos and BASEBALL (I am clearly NOT excited at all about this).  Silly me I am at work and excited like a kid a Christmas...I can't focus so I am gushing on my blog in hopes that I can get something accomplished (not that I have anything to do anyway).  Life is so randomly GREAT !!  For those of you who do NOT like baseball...You don't know what you are missing.  For those of you who do...I know you share my enthusiasm.


Much Love and Home runs to ALL !!!

20 Days !!!

WOW !!!! 20 days have just flown by for me without 1 visit to my blog..GEEZE !!!  Well, In a nut shell my life has been a blur of cleaning up puppy poop, walking said pooping puppy, working 6 days a week, Childrens Choir and Choir Rehearsal at church, dates with the hubby when we can, Sleeping, eating (not nearly enough of sleeping or eating), and Church services...among other things.  I don't know where my head has been this last...close to a month.  I am SOOOOO Loving my busy life.  Where I live it has been a constant downpour of rain for this last week so...that has been eventful after getting a soaking wet puppy inside the house and trying to keep her still enough to dry her off before she becomes a hurricane in our house.  I am loving these little things.  Funny how the busier my life is..the happier and fuller...and even quieter it seems

freezing and wet at Thunder over Louisville

Out with My boss and friend Steph (same person) to the Derby festival fashion show P.S.  I had my first gambling experience after the show...played the dollar slot a couple times...lol

shopping during a date night with the hubby...we were in the toy area trying to find HIM Transformers (oops I leaked his secret..Haha)

Awww he found a trike

Taking a sec to love on my little baby

These are just a glimpse into my crazy life...sometimes I wish there was more sitting at home...but we plan too much and both me and my husband want to experience all we can in life.

Love and hugs to all and may you find the true peace and happiness I have found this last month.  May god bless you and keep you

:) :) HUGS :) :)

My Marriage

I can't quite say my marriage is bad...But, like ALL marriages, it is work.  Work I LOVE don't get me wrong, but...work just the same.  My husband has the soul and mentality of an 80 year old.  He was raised with old fashioned ideals (i.e...dressing up for church, always have your napkin in your lap...).  I am 11 years his junior so..some days..I really feel a WHOLE LOT younger than him.  I have gotten him to let lose a little in the 3 years I have known him...but some things will NEVER change.  The shoes have to be perfect (left on the left..right on the right)..Dishes always done...shopping done on the same day every week.  This is hard for me A: because I am laid back and kind of go with the flow, and,  B: because I am struggling with issues of inadequacy constantly.  He does SO much to try and reinforce how wonderful and beautiful of a person he thinks I am and how much he loves me..sometimes...it just isn't enough.  I feel like my marriage is suffering because of my issues and I know I do not make it easy on him.  I struggle with thoughts like:  How can a man this wonderful love me?  What have I done for God to bless me with a man who couldn't be any more perfect to me?  I try and tell him these things but I am just wondering if I am maybe trying too hard and making him feel like HE is failing ME ad a husband instead of ME failing HIM as a wife....NOT a good way for either party to feel in a marriage.  We have both been seeing a counselor and, for the most part, it is working.  I want my marriage to last forever (as I think everyone does) because I have seen my dad through 2 divorces and I want none of that for myself.  I have also seen my husband's grandparens and aunt and uncle celebrate over 60 years of happy marriage (each couple married over 60 years).  Ahhh...all in all I love my life because God has blessed it richly.  It never ceases to amaze me how much God has given me in my life.  My next step it to throw all my problems to god and let him take them...I have a hard time doing that but I know if I do...My marriage will be safe in the hands of God.

Much Love to all

Love like Puppies !!

 I had a thought today (can't you smell the smoke) one not altogether profound but I thought it was sweet.  The thought came to me as I was on the receiving a barrage of kisses from my puppy.  I wish we could all love like puppies.  I just got to thinking about how we look at people and judge them by the clothes they wear or the body art.  Animals love us no matter what we look  like or what we wear.  They give us their little hearts and trust us to care for them.  Humans tend to disappoint eachother because, well,  we are human.  I love my husband more than anything in this world..him being second only to God..but I know I have broken promises to him and said things in anger that I do not mean.  My point being..God instructs us to love others as ourselves.  Next time you find this difficult..think of the way your puppy, kitten, or whatever animal have loves you.  It is AMAZING to see how they are truly GOD's creatures.

Puppy love to all

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Today is a low point !!

Today has been a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  Why?  Well Here it goes...this is really a pour my heart out blog post today...

For those of you who know me..you know I was nearly raped by...my grandfather (he has since passed away)...For those of you who don't really know me...well...now you know my biggest demon.  I struggled for a couple years trying to do EVERYTHING I could think of to make myself feel better and more loved...acting out like a child or teenager (though I was 20 at the time) to get attention...even lying to my family.  Then I found God and have been trying to come through it with HIS guidance.  I wish I could rewind time and deal with it all differently (after all hindsight is 20/20, right?).  The point of this sad admission is (I promise the story will make sense in the end)...this morning I am getting ready for work as I always do on Saturday and my husband is getting his clothes laid out that he will wear for our church directory pictures later today...he looks at my clothes...tells me we will not match because of the suit jacket and tie he is going to wear ( I was in a maroon turtle neck and maroon CK cords...He was going with green shirt and tie with black jacket...not that that matters)..I asked him why he was wearing a suit when a nice sweater would be great for the pictures and he tells me he was raised to "always look your best at church".  this sparked a discussion about how we were not going to a church service but to get pictures taken and he made the point to tell me it is a CHURCH directory picture so we have to look our best (I felt before that like I was looking pretty good).  He asks me why I do not wear a dress (not that I WANT to because I always dress well for work and Saturday is one day I can go comfortable)...THAT did it for me...I felt so low at that moment because , like always, all the horrible things my grandfather said to me came rushing back.  He had told me how I was a whore and no one would ever love me and how I had been "had" by other men (meaning 1 guy I had made the mistake of being with not too long before)...how I was worthless and would never be good enough for any man to care about me because of what I had done (mind you he has said all this while groping at my chest and in the midst of asking me if my breasts were real and if he could touch them and how he bet they looked great...among other things)  and to this day...6 years later...I believe everything he said...I freaked out for years to even let a man kiss me after a date that went really well until I met my husband...

us on our 1 year wedding anniversary

Sometimes still feel like a horrible person to even WANT to make love with my husband...because I don't want to be what that horrible excuse for a man said I was.  Most days are pretty good and my husband is really understanding...but today...it hurts...all the inadequacies I feel weigh me down like a brick.  I tell myself over and over how God made me in his vision...therefore perfect to HIM and that is all that matters... And I keep saying to myself that he is no longer alive so why am I holding on to this...but days like today...it feels like that is not enough...I know it could all have been worse and I am blessed I guessed what was about to happened before it did and stopped it...but telling myself that does strangely little to help me.  All comments are welcome...and today...needed.

Love to ALL

Puppy Love

I have been a bit pre occupied lately....My husband and I got a new puppy I love her to death.  We named her Gizmo (kind weird for a girl but it fits her to a T).  Poor thing has yet to learn how to pee and poop outside so I have been cleaning up lots of poop.  I think I almost got her trained though because she has not had any accidents in 2 DAYS  !!  Good for her...haha. 

She has yet to meet our Ferret...they saw each other for the first time today but have not officially been playing with eachother.

I have been pretty animal crazy for a while...lol...I love ALL my little fuzzies.

I take everyday to thak God for the joy these sweet animals bring to my life.

         Love and Puppy kisses to all