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Saturday, April 9, 2011

My Marriage

I can't quite say my marriage is bad...But, like ALL marriages, it is work.  Work I LOVE don't get me wrong, but...work just the same.  My husband has the soul and mentality of an 80 year old.  He was raised with old fashioned ideals (i.e...dressing up for church, always have your napkin in your lap...).  I am 11 years his junior so..some days..I really feel a WHOLE LOT younger than him.  I have gotten him to let lose a little in the 3 years I have known him...but some things will NEVER change.  The shoes have to be perfect (left on the left..right on the right)..Dishes always done...shopping done on the same day every week.  This is hard for me A: because I am laid back and kind of go with the flow, and,  B: because I am struggling with issues of inadequacy constantly.  He does SO much to try and reinforce how wonderful and beautiful of a person he thinks I am and how much he loves me..sometimes...it just isn't enough.  I feel like my marriage is suffering because of my issues and I know I do not make it easy on him.  I struggle with thoughts like:  How can a man this wonderful love me?  What have I done for God to bless me with a man who couldn't be any more perfect to me?  I try and tell him these things but I am just wondering if I am maybe trying too hard and making him feel like HE is failing ME ad a husband instead of ME failing HIM as a wife....NOT a good way for either party to feel in a marriage.  We have both been seeing a counselor and, for the most part, it is working.  I want my marriage to last forever (as I think everyone does) because I have seen my dad through 2 divorces and I want none of that for myself.  I have also seen my husband's grandparens and aunt and uncle celebrate over 60 years of happy marriage (each couple married over 60 years).  Ahhh...all in all I love my life because God has blessed it richly.  It never ceases to amaze me how much God has given me in my life.  My next step it to throw all my problems to god and let him take them...I have a hard time doing that but I know if I do...My marriage will be safe in the hands of God.

Much Love to all

1 comment:

Sarah Ruth said...

Giving your problems to God is probably one of the hardest things for us as humans to do. But it is so important to do! God said he wouldn't give us more than we can handle. But you have to remember. "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." When we feel like we can't handle something, just give it to Him and He'll take care of it. Nothing left to worry about.

As for some of the things you listed that your husband does, they aren't necessarily out of an old fashioned mentality. Most of them are just good organizational qualities. CHERISH THOSE!!!! Trust me. The alternative is much worse!

As always, I love you! Hope you're doing better.