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Friday, March 18, 2011

My Life as I am living it today

I had a dear friend ask me the other day about my blog...which, I have to add, I have been neglecting for quite a while since getting married.  I miss writing and the outlet for frustration and joy.  Now..I guess.. Is a good time for me to write to let out a little hurt...

You see...I would love more than anything to be a mother.  I want the chance to experience the beauty of making a child with the one you love.  My problem...I have something called Turners Syndrome...for those of you who have never heard of it...one of the major complications is infertility.  There is a laundry list of things that can come with Turners that I am constantly having to check (Heart and Kidney issues being highest on the list) but, somehow, those do no not bother as much as..my husband and I have been trying for about a year to have children and have not been successful.  I hear all the time how God will give me a child if it is his His will. I have been pregnant before ( through a mistake I made as a 20 year old) and mis carried.  I want so much more to be a mother after having this happen to me.  I pray constantly for patience and  hope...but my faith in this is slipping.  All in All I know that God will have happen what he wills to happen.  I can do nothing to change it.  When I look at my wonderful husband and think of all he brings to my life I know I could not possible make him as happy as he makes me.  I feel, somehow, less of a wife and woman having such a problem conceiving.  I know it is all in my head but...I would appreciate prayers and lots of love.  I would love to hear from ANYONE who is going through something similar to this or knows firsthand what I am going through.  This is just a skimming of my thoughts for the day.

Much Much Love



1 comment:

Sarah Ruth said...

I somewhat know how you feel. Despite my husband being deployed, I'm afraid of not being able to conceive. I have PCOS and it is one of the leading causes of infertility. So yeah. I know how you feel.

Just pray about it. But don't just ask for what you want. Thank God for what His will is.

I love you! Glad you're back!!