All Work and No Play

Lately at work my schedule has been crazy.  6 days a week with 9 hour days.  1 word...Sleepy.  Today when I get off of work I will be walking the puppy and then sitting out on my patio with my music and my Kobo (Boarders' version of the Kindle).  This is my Idea of a WONDERFUL night.  Sometimes I feel like I am getting to old too quick...I think...If my idea of a good night is reading a book...Then I definitely feel older than my age.  I am only 26.  Most 26 year olds I know are going out and having fun in clubs and hanging out with friends.  Me..I LOVE going out and doing and trying new things...but..sometimes..nothing sounds quite as good as relaxing with a good book on the front porch.

Love and Happy reading to all

BASEBALL !!!

I am going to my FIRST baseball game of the season today !!  Me and My WONDERFUL husband will be relaxing watching the Louisville Bats ( Minor League team) !!  It will be an AMAZING Saturday with the sun shining and some Nachos and BASEBALL (I am clearly NOT excited at all about this).  Silly me I am at work and excited like a kid a Christmas...I can't focus so I am gushing on my blog in hopes that I can get something accomplished (not that I have anything to do anyway).  Life is so randomly GREAT !!  For those of you who do NOT like baseball...You don't know what you are missing.  For those of you who do...I know you share my enthusiasm.


Much Love and Home runs to ALL !!!

20 Days !!!

WOW !!!! 20 days have just flown by for me without 1 visit to my blog..GEEZE !!!  Well, In a nut shell my life has been a blur of cleaning up puppy poop, walking said pooping puppy, working 6 days a week, Childrens Choir and Choir Rehearsal at church, dates with the hubby when we can, Sleeping, eating (not nearly enough of sleeping or eating), and Church services...among other things.  I don't know where my head has been this last...close to a month.  I am SOOOOO Loving my busy life.  Where I live it has been a constant downpour of rain for this last week so...that has been eventful after getting a soaking wet puppy inside the house and trying to keep her still enough to dry her off before she becomes a hurricane in our house.  I am loving these little things.  Funny how the busier my life is..the happier and fuller...and even quieter it seems

freezing and wet at Thunder over Louisville

Out with My boss and friend Steph (same person) to the Derby festival fashion show P.S.  I had my first gambling experience after the show...played the dollar slot a couple times...lol

shopping during a date night with the hubby...we were in the toy area trying to find HIM Transformers (oops I leaked his secret..Haha)

Awww he found a trike

Taking a sec to love on my little baby

These are just a glimpse into my crazy life...sometimes I wish there was more sitting at home...but we plan too much and both me and my husband want to experience all we can in life.

Love and hugs to all and may you find the true peace and happiness I have found this last month.  May god bless you and keep you

:) :) HUGS :) :)

My Marriage

I can't quite say my marriage is bad...But, like ALL marriages, it is work.  Work I LOVE don't get me wrong, but...work just the same.  My husband has the soul and mentality of an 80 year old.  He was raised with old fashioned ideals (i.e...dressing up for church, always have your napkin in your lap...).  I am 11 years his junior so..some days..I really feel a WHOLE LOT younger than him.  I have gotten him to let lose a little in the 3 years I have known him...but some things will NEVER change.  The shoes have to be perfect (left on the left..right on the right)..Dishes always done...shopping done on the same day every week.  This is hard for me A: because I am laid back and kind of go with the flow, and,  B: because I am struggling with issues of inadequacy constantly.  He does SO much to try and reinforce how wonderful and beautiful of a person he thinks I am and how much he loves me..sometimes...it just isn't enough.  I feel like my marriage is suffering because of my issues and I know I do not make it easy on him.  I struggle with thoughts like:  How can a man this wonderful love me?  What have I done for God to bless me with a man who couldn't be any more perfect to me?  I try and tell him these things but I am just wondering if I am maybe trying too hard and making him feel like HE is failing ME ad a husband instead of ME failing HIM as a wife....NOT a good way for either party to feel in a marriage.  We have both been seeing a counselor and, for the most part, it is working.  I want my marriage to last forever (as I think everyone does) because I have seen my dad through 2 divorces and I want none of that for myself.  I have also seen my husband's grandparens and aunt and uncle celebrate over 60 years of happy marriage (each couple married over 60 years).  Ahhh...all in all I love my life because God has blessed it richly.  It never ceases to amaze me how much God has given me in my life.  My next step it to throw all my problems to god and let him take them...I have a hard time doing that but I know if I do...My marriage will be safe in the hands of God.

Much Love to all

Love like Puppies !!

 I had a thought today (can't you smell the smoke) one not altogether profound but I thought it was sweet.  The thought came to me as I was on the receiving a barrage of kisses from my puppy.  I wish we could all love like puppies.  I just got to thinking about how we look at people and judge them by the clothes they wear or the body art.  Animals love us no matter what we look  like or what we wear.  They give us their little hearts and trust us to care for them.  Humans tend to disappoint eachother because, well,  we are human.  I love my husband more than anything in this world..him being second only to God..but I know I have broken promises to him and said things in anger that I do not mean.  My point being..God instructs us to love others as ourselves.  Next time you find this difficult..think of the way your puppy, kitten, or whatever animal have loves you.  It is AMAZING to see how they are truly GOD's creatures.

Puppy love to all

.

Today is a low point !!

Today has been a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  Why?  Well Here it goes...this is really a pour my heart out blog post today...

For those of you who know me..you know I was nearly raped by...my grandfather (he has since passed away)...For those of you who don't really know me...well...now you know my biggest demon.  I struggled for a couple years trying to do EVERYTHING I could think of to make myself feel better and more loved...acting out like a child or teenager (though I was 20 at the time) to get attention...even lying to my family.  Then I found God and have been trying to come through it with HIS guidance.  I wish I could rewind time and deal with it all differently (after all hindsight is 20/20, right?).  The point of this sad admission is (I promise the story will make sense in the end)...this morning I am getting ready for work as I always do on Saturday and my husband is getting his clothes laid out that he will wear for our church directory pictures later today...he looks at my clothes...tells me we will not match because of the suit jacket and tie he is going to wear ( I was in a maroon turtle neck and maroon CK cords...He was going with green shirt and tie with black jacket...not that that matters)..I asked him why he was wearing a suit when a nice sweater would be great for the pictures and he tells me he was raised to "always look your best at church".  this sparked a discussion about how we were not going to a church service but to get pictures taken and he made the point to tell me it is a CHURCH directory picture so we have to look our best (I felt before that like I was looking pretty good).  He asks me why I do not wear a dress (not that I WANT to because I always dress well for work and Saturday is one day I can go comfortable)...THAT did it for me...I felt so low at that moment because , like always, all the horrible things my grandfather said to me came rushing back.  He had told me how I was a whore and no one would ever love me and how I had been "had" by other men (meaning 1 guy I had made the mistake of being with not too long before)...how I was worthless and would never be good enough for any man to care about me because of what I had done (mind you he has said all this while groping at my chest and in the midst of asking me if my breasts were real and if he could touch them and how he bet they looked great...among other things)  and to this day...6 years later...I believe everything he said...I freaked out for years to even let a man kiss me after a date that went really well until I met my husband...

us on our 1 year wedding anniversary

Sometimes still feel like a horrible person to even WANT to make love with my husband...because I don't want to be what that horrible excuse for a man said I was.  Most days are pretty good and my husband is really understanding...but today...it hurts...all the inadequacies I feel weigh me down like a brick.  I tell myself over and over how God made me in his vision...therefore perfect to HIM and that is all that matters... And I keep saying to myself that he is no longer alive so why am I holding on to this...but days like today...it feels like that is not enough...I know it could all have been worse and I am blessed I guessed what was about to happened before it did and stopped it...but telling myself that does strangely little to help me.  All comments are welcome...and today...needed.

Love to ALL

Puppy Love

I have been a bit pre occupied lately....My husband and I got a new puppy I love her to death.  We named her Gizmo (kind weird for a girl but it fits her to a T).  Poor thing has yet to learn how to pee and poop outside so I have been cleaning up lots of poop.  I think I almost got her trained though because she has not had any accidents in 2 DAYS  !!  Good for her...haha. 

She has yet to meet our Ferret...they saw each other for the first time today but have not officially been playing with eachother.

I have been pretty animal crazy for a while...lol...I love ALL my little fuzzies.

I take everyday to thak God for the joy these sweet animals bring to my life.

         Love and Puppy kisses to all

OMG !!!

Had a customer call in to work today and said to me.."It is Friday and I know how you kids operate".  This was AFTER she was told by me we would do anything to make her happy at this point.  He issue..her sales guy had car trouble and could not make it out..she was called by her sales guy and the girls in my office..a total of 6 times.  She proceeds to call in and yell about how she missed a DR. appointment for the appointment with us and we are a worthless company and why did we call her cell phone which doesn't work where she lives.  Well....ALL YOU GAVE US WAS YOUR CELL NUMBER !!  WE TRIED IN EARNEST TO NOTIFY YOU !!  You know...my point is that all companies have problems...we are human.  The measure of a company is not the problem you had but what was done to correct it.  I tried to make this woman happy..her sales guy had another guy lined up to go to her if she were to call back...we were going to get someone out to her and get her what she wanted.  STUFF HAPPENS PEOPLE !!  No reason to go calling people and yelling at them and calling them names because something beyond their controll happened.  Especially if it is not a person directly involved in the situation.  These people need a little peace and love in their life.  And OH,  How us "kids" operate...last I check lady...I was a grown woman and worked hard at my job and am dependable.  Hummm...Does she need to do a little research ???  I think so.  Oh well...I tried...Can't win 'em all.


Blessings to all...and may you all NOT be difficult if you find yourself in a similar situation.

Amanda

POOPED !!!

Life has been Crazy these last couple days...I went in an extra day at work and dealt with mind numbing EPA paperwork (what you get for working for a window company) wihch put me a day behind with my contract entry (about 130 orders) now I am half way caught up and hopefully I can finish by Saturday (finders crosses and prayers sent up to God)  I worked with my Childrens Choir at church last night and usually I have someone I work with to help keep the kids focused on whatever song they are learning but I was on my own last night.  The kids were good surprisingly.  For them anyway.  They are usually a hard group to work with.  I realize how blessed I am though to see these Children learn and grow each week.  I feel like sometimes I am spreading myself too thin between work, cleaning my house, cooking, spending time with the hubby, Church orchestra and choir andChildrens Choir among other things.  I have had a lot of my family calling me lately saying "we havent heard from you in a while" because...well...they haven't.  I have felt too tired when I get home lately to do anything but sitt my butt on my couch and watch the boob tube.  I am loving life right now and have been taking more time for God and just ....LOVE.  I have just worn myself to sheer happiness.

Lots of hugs to all

WARM With a Chance of SUNSHINE !!

Today is warm with lots of sunshine and some white puffy clouds...The perfect day to me.  I started thinking about my life and what brings me that "warm sunshine feeling"  for me it is...Puppies, friends, Horses, great weather, my husband, my family, flowers...pretty much EVERYTHING anymore.  I think everone needs a little warm sunshine in their life.  My faith has helped me to see my warm Sunshine Moments even in my darkest times.  I love to see the beautiful bright side of life.  Life is much easier when you are not bogged down with all the bad stuff.  I have come to learn most of the things in my life that I remember are the moments that I have felt loved and laughed a lot (the good times).  I am taking this Warm and Sunny day to remember all my "Warm Sunshine" moments.  Ahhhhh...life is sweet.

Hugs and love to all

WORK..Do I Have To?

So..right now I am sitting at work trying to focus but...It is pretty difficult.. I wanted to drop by here to let off a little steam and hopefully it will help me get back on task (Here's to hopin')

I like my job...I really do.  I work in an office and the girls I work with are great !!  There is drama here and there (you get that with a bunch of women)  but all in all it is peaceful.  I have just come to the realization lately that I really don't want to work for someone ( I know I always will ) but I would love to have freedom to work when I want to on the days I want to.  I pray all the time to become independently wealthy by winning the lottery ( I just never buy tickets).  I guess I am just like any other American.  I like to be busy and do things...I just wish they were on MY terms.  I decided 10 years from now I will finally grow up and realize that is why they call it working (because it isn't suppose to be fun).  To all you workaholics....STOP IT !!!  Enjoy life NOW while you still have it.


LOVE LOVE LOVE to ALL

*muwah*

My Life as I am living it today

I had a dear friend ask me the other day about my blog...which, I have to add, I have been neglecting for quite a while since getting married.  I miss writing and the outlet for frustration and joy.  Now..I guess.. Is a good time for me to write to let out a little hurt...

You see...I would love more than anything to be a mother.  I want the chance to experience the beauty of making a child with the one you love.  My problem...I have something called Turners Syndrome...for those of you who have never heard of it...one of the major complications is infertility.  There is a laundry list of things that can come with Turners that I am constantly having to check (Heart and Kidney issues being highest on the list) but, somehow, those do no not bother as much as..my husband and I have been trying for about a year to have children and have not been successful.  I hear all the time how God will give me a child if it is his His will. I have been pregnant before ( through a mistake I made as a 20 year old) and mis carried.  I want so much more to be a mother after having this happen to me.  I pray constantly for patience and  hope...but my faith in this is slipping.  All in All I know that God will have happen what he wills to happen.  I can do nothing to change it.  When I look at my wonderful husband and think of all he brings to my life I know I could not possible make him as happy as he makes me.  I feel, somehow, less of a wife and woman having such a problem conceiving.  I know it is all in my head but...I would appreciate prayers and lots of love.  I would love to hear from ANYONE who is going through something similar to this or knows firsthand what I am going through.  This is just a skimming of my thoughts for the day.

Much Much Love